Regardless of how thick I like to imagine my skin is, I have come to the conclusion that I have the kind of talk with my head regarding my toughness as most men do regarding their endowments. I big myself up all the time.
The truth is though that I get butt hurt…a lot! As someone who genuinely has the nicest hopes and wishes for the world, I fail to understand the pettiness, jealousy, misery and plain old meanness of minds around me. I often wonder how people sleep after being so nasty, when all of my intentional bad words/actions continue to haunt me.
Yes I have mean thoughts. Especially when I’m in the city centre on a Saturday and can’t stop wondering why two idiots dressed in smelly unwashed clothes decided to procreate and dump their annoying child’s what they believe are adorable quirks on other strangers in the supermarket. Can’t help being a human but I often try to justify their position in my head by reminding myself that they were just born to shitty parents and are now stuck in a vicious cycle. As someone who had a privileged life, I must be kind and understanding. May be if I didn’t have the resources I did growing up, I too would have end up in some not so nice predicament.
If I can divert my mean thoughts, I fail to understand how others can’t. May be I am naive but I have always believed that people are generally nice and many are but then many are not. Especially people from my generation, from within my social circle. I have experienced people take advantage of my niceness or treat niceness as some sort of a weakness. And I know I’m not alone in this. I have had similar conversations with close friends and family and we all agreed that- kindness is always mistaken for weakness.
Niceness is not weakness but niceness does invite your heart to get its butt hurt.
So what can we do if we are inherently nice people who want to see the best in everyone? Do we just continue being nice and let people walk all over us or do we practice detached niceness?
I took it upon me to find the root cause for my apparent need to be nice.
Why are you & I nice?
Many people think nice people want to accepted and liked. My drive to be nice is totally ingrained. I was raised by super kind parents, would have been a shocker if I had come out a vengeance filled twat. I am nice because I genuinely think thoughts have energy. Especially growing up in India, my upbringing was very “moral of the story” driven. A lot of talk about karma, respect, integrity, honesty, kindness was thrown my way since I was a toddler. Now as an adult, if I encounter shitty people, I like to imagine my mind sending them lots of love. But sometimes I wonder if I should practice this love with detachment. Why should I get my heart/mind involved with people who are shitty, especially those who choose to be shitty, choose to be jealous, choose to feel threatened, choose to be awful just because it makes them feel more secure?
But then I wonder, why should I allow nasty people to strip me away of the one thing that genuinely makes me happy?
So fuck them, own your niceness.
“It is ok to be nice!”
It truly is, even if the world doesn’t return you any niceness, it is important to be nice for the sake of your own self.
In this day and age of arrogance, one has to dare to be different. When in doubt, listen to some famous people speak, people who have achieved lots of awesomeness in their lives and those who radiate happiness. You will notice that most if not all of these successful people are just plain nice. Sure many assholes end up becoming successful but as I said notice them when they speak. People who are naturally nice have something very earthly, friendly & peaceful about them.
Finally, don’t be butt-hurt. Just tweak your niceness, let it evolve with the times.
I think it is important to be what I have termed, the nice asshole. With the way the world is, the immense self-absorption that has been fed by social networks and unimaginable sadness that comes from comparison of someone’s Facebook life with yours, it is important to be tough.
Sometimes I think nasty people just think they are too smart and that no one can spot their bad behaviour or may be they are butt hurt themselves as a result of what they believe the world owes them. Whatever the case, its not your fault that they are assholes but how you react to their bad behaviour is in your control.
Do your soul, your existence a favour and stand up for yourself. Lately, I am constantly being forced to be assertive. I think the term “assertive” sums up my concept of being a nice asshole. Aggressive on the other hand takes away your niceness, leaving you with angry leftovers in the brain which proceed on carrying a domino effect and make small things in your life spiral down until you eventually are known for being an asshole, just like those jerks who make you feel shitty.
How to be a nice asshole?
1. Draw boundaries
2. Stop over investing your emotions in others when your gut knows that they don’t appreciate your value. If people only want to spend time with you when they don’t have anything better to do, it is time to distance. Stop being a gullible doormat or fourth choice for somebody. If your friend thinks he/she is special and expects attention from you, they better be ready to return it as well. Nice people have the tendency to carry on lopsided relationships.
3. Stand up for yourself. Voice your thoughts rather than keeping stuff locked up. I think people sometimes have to be told they are being an asshole “in a fancier flowery language”.
4. Finally, remember that: No one is special and everyone is special! I think the “nicer folk” especially need to be reminded of this. You are human just like everyone else and even if your kind heart makes you strong enough to survive as the “giver”, it is important to acknowledge your brain’s need to “receive”.
So if any relationships make you feel like shit all the time, it is time to practice the art of being a nice asshole.