Poetic traces of my fractured mind

Went through old notes from 2014-2015 on Evernote and came across a ton of random scribbled rhymes and fiction. Always amazing to find stuff I wrote when my brain was rhyming verses while dancing through dimensions. Its such a weird feeling, reading those words a few years down the line. Really hard to believe that they came from my mind. Creativity is definitely something that pulls you into a magical flow state. It is so hard to tap into but once there, physical reality shuts down and you become a different person. Fascinating read here on creative minds mimicking schizophrenia- “Creative people, like those with psychotic illnesses, tend to see the world differently to most. It’s like looking at a shattered mirror. They see the world in a fractured way“.  I think art can feel like a journey into some other world or like you are viewing life through someone else’s eyes. It is amazing in how it helps in building a bridge or a direct communication line between our mortal selves and something unexplainable, out there and magnificent.

 

Shuffling through the pockets of my brain

I came across words incomplete

Words unsaid, words left over

Words wacky, words inspiring

Words turning into ammo

Words on a voyage into the unknown

Words, my only respite when life smacks me from me

My fractured imagination and this peace I find it in oddity.

 

1. Love is stronger than pride

Started with rage, frustration unheard

Shamed by ego, comprehension blurred

You would start, you would stop, stuck on repeat

I heard but you walked, always my defeat

I took a step behind, step to the side

But your finger always found my faults

How dare you always stood taller than my pride?

 

Seasons mulled and I settled on grief

Time spent living the results of your beliefs

“He humours your desperation with the brevity of his silence”

“Pin needles in that bastardly doll who lacks conscience”

Yes! Of-course! Lets all chime in “No man can break our stride”

But they never lived our camaraderie

Why did you steal my pride?

 

Years breathed on now I wear my Saturn

Zoning out voices, I broke all my patterns

I let go of the paper thin skin, prickly blood and bones

Left here now are prayers for you I speak into the unknown

Unspoken kindness is the reason our war dances failed to collide

We are all we’ve got

Love is stronger than pride.

 

2. Sunlight

I want you to be greater than my imagination

Grow bigger, leave behind your ordinary dreams

Breathe a life that fights out of the middle

Be the sun that I have seen

Lose yourself in the freedom of love

Find that space between despair and hope

Where faith in the unknown meets your soul

And insecurities no longer feel a curse

Let the light in, let it shine through the sun I have seen.

 

3. Fear

Blood drips from my fingers

But I see my flesh in their teeth

Demons of my own creation

Here now, ready to test my grit

Feels like I am living in some gruesome horror

But there is peace in watching that girl die

Seeing her absolved, clean of the guilt

Turned inside out, in a world outside in

All faces, places, forced to leave behind

Death of those autumn leaves, the death of her and me

Death of the ego I once called existence

Now its something hollow, something void, non existent

And now I fear no dark place, no empty space

I fear no distance, not even my reflection

I fear no silence, I fear no one

Today is the day fear will run for her life.

 

Life happens and I quit writing down my thoughts. Sometimes I think I pay the price of happiness with my words because when I’m happy, I have no desire to write.

There are hundreds of thousands of imaginary letters about the awe I feel toward life and love, that I want to fill with my words. I wish I was reminded everyday of all the words I am missing, the words that are hidden somewhere in the ethers, the words that will help me connect, create associations, to build more imaginary multi-verses. I need to find more words that got them feels.

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